I have been feeling the need to clean lately. I feel like my house is a disaster and I am constantly picking up toys, clothes, etc. Sweeping, wiping counters, organizing and it makes me feel better when I am done. Putting away the Christmas stuff has never felt so good. Getting this back to normal feels good. This morning as I was walking out of my room I looked around for something to pick up, to make it cleaner. There was nothing and I was disappointed. I wanted to clean something. This made me stop and think to myself that all this straightening up and fixing up the house is simply my outlet for the fact that I cannot simply fix up myself. I want the weight I gained over the holidays to be gone now. I want to be able to feel good about myself again. I gained a bunch of weight - 15lbs - but its not as much as my head seems to think I gained. I feel 200+ lbs again. I am afraid to put on clothes that I have been wearing for the past 6 months for fear that they won't fit. I look in the mirror and see double chins, rounder face, thicker thighs, and an enormous stomach. All of this is true to an extent. I mean I gained 15lbs, but not to the extent that I am letting myself feel. Its a tricky thing. I feel like giving up because I think to myself that I can't possibly feel better anytime soon, but that's just not true. I did not gain 50lbs and even if I had, just continuing to gain is not going to help me feel better anytime soon. Two months ago when I was in the 160s I felt awesome about myself - so I can't let myself feel like the biggest failure ever and give up. I know that week 1 back on a diet is the hardest for me and I need to just keep plugging along, recognizing the mind games I am playing with myself to encourage giving up, and just make it through.
And to keep myself accountable....
Current Weight: 164.5
Previous Weight: 167.5
Lbs to left to lose: 39.5
Calorie Consumption yesterday: 1,617 (higher than I wanted since I skipped exercising)
Exercise: None (My daughter is pretty sick & its to cold to run with her outside while she is sick...excuses, excuses)
Calorie Consumption so far today: 309
2 comments:
Keep plugging along, fighting those crazy ideas in your head. I think the things we tell ourselves are the hardest thing about the losing weight/keeping it off battle. Plus I think the freezing dark winter is having an effect too.
hope your little one feels better!!
as far as the mind set it would be good to figure out what thing can motivate you again so you dont have to think of the weight gain. dont psyche yourself out!!
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