Goals and deadlines

I like to reward myself for hard work and 'good behavior', therefor almost every time I am trying to lose weight I come up with rewards. I see nothing wrong with this overall but the reward I picked this time has a deadline. I hate deadlines with weight loss. The goal I set for myself is to lose 30 pounds by September 1st for the Disneyland half marathon. The reward if I do this? Staying in the Disneyland hotel, something I have wanted to do since I was a child. I think I picked a good reward for myself, the only problem is the timeline part. Already this month I have been stressed about not losing 'enough' weight. This is no good. I do not need to start feeling down about myself if I am doing everything I should and yet the weight is not falling off. Sometimes my body has other ideas about the speed of which the weight falls off. Its not a big deal if I don't get my reward but I still have it in my head that it will be awesome to have lost 30lbs by September, if I don't make it in time, will I crash and burn and gain back weight that I have lost? Hopefully not. But I need to remember this for next time (because I will am pretty sure I will always have a weight loss goal, whether it is 50lbs, 30lbs, 5lbs or just to maintain) setting a reward/goal for a certain date is not the best idea.

I just need to remember...

....that I feel like quitting the first 3 miles of EVERY run. Its true, I have to talk myself out of stopping for the first 3 miles. I probably sound like a big quitter but I really only talk myself out of finishing probably 1 out of every 50 runs. Lately I have been worried as I am running as to why its not easier. Why has it gotten harder? It might not be any harder physically but the mental part of it has gotten to be a challenge these days. Every time I run I feel like I can't finish because I am not strong enough, until I reach the magic three mile mark. I am not sure if that's the point that I am warmed up and my body is in the groove or if once my mind knows I can make it that far that I can make it a lot farther. I'm not sure which one it is, I just know that I need to remember that is gets better after 3 miles.

Back to business

I started this blog for a place to express my feelings and document my weight loss, for me. The blog stopped being fun when I started caring if people were reading. If I gained 3lbs who wants to read about that? So I stopped writing. 2011 was an awesome year if I am measuring happiness outside of how many pounds I gained/lost.

I started the year by running my first half marathon and followed it with two more. I ran an overnight 200 mile relay with 11 other people and I enjoyed it so much that I ran it again a couple of weeks ago with a team of complete strangers. That was huge for me. Not only did I run the most miles I have ever run in a 24 hour period (18.2 - with about 11 of those uphill) but I did it with people that I have never met before. I am a pretty shy person and was sick to my stomach worried about how I would get along with everyone but I wanted to do something that makes me uncomfortable - pushes me to experience new things. That's me and my team below:

But with the good comes the not so good. I gained 25 lbs from my lowest weight that I reached in 2010. What bugs me about that the most is how close I got to my goal and never got there. Its a lingering disappointment in myself. One that I am going to do my darnedest to change. I am starting to write here again simply to keep track of how I am doing and sort of keep tabs on myself throughout the journey. I love going back and re-reading some of my early posts to see how far I have come, it helps me when I feel like a failure. So here it is, the goals I have set for myself:

• Run a half marathon at 2 hr or under: This will require I shave off 18 minutes off of my PR but I think I can do it. I signed up for the Disneyland half marathon September 1st so I have 6 months to get ready.
 
• Lose 30lbs by the Disneyland half marathon: This timeline is simply in place because I think it will help me reach the above goal

If I don't reach these goals I am not going to let it get me down as long as I know I have given it my all to achieve them. I am done feeling like a failure, as long as I am trying my best and making good decisions every day then I am a success.