Last night I was talking to my husband on the phone (since he is always out of town) and I was giving myself a pat on the back from losing weight (because I can't count on him to do it...) and I said:
Me: I am only 20lbs away from my goal weight. I am excited because for a while I didn't think I would make it by the end of the year.
Him: Only 20lbs? That is good. Maybe you'll keep losing after that.
I am probably being over-sensitive, but that comment kinda stung. My mind translated this to: you look like you could stand to lose more than 20lsb. (And for the record, I do plan on losing weight after 145 but I am not setting any goals or timeline on it.)
I am pretty sure I am never going to be good enough for him at this point and there is always going to be some way for him to make me feel like I haven't done enough. It bugs me. He has never really struggled with weight or food issues, what gives him the right to judge me? My mind could go on and on with this if I start to over-analyze the statement. I am not going to bring it up with him because talking about my weight is not a comfortable topic with him, possibly because it becomes clear that he wishes I was a size 4 kinda girl (which isn't really fair since I was a size 24 when we got married - I wasn't hiding the obese girl in the closet or anything). So help me out - how would interrupt this comment? Would you be offended? Brush it off?
7 comments:
I think I'd want a more positive response than that personally. I don't blame you for being a bit sensitive, but I can't really judge because I don't know your husband. I'd probably try to talk it over with him - tell him how it made you feel and ask him to try to support you more in a way you like and think is helpful to you in the future - because that response didn't do it for you. You rock Amy!!! I can't believe you are so close!
Well, since I do know your husband, let me remind you that he is probably never going to be great with supportive comments. What he said probably sounded (to him) very supportive, unfortunately. It's not exactly an area he's skilled in.
I would say, do your best to brush it off. Guys can be total idiots. Terence still manages to offend me about the weight loss stuff, just because, well, he's a guy. He doesn't see the weight loss stuff like we do. (I want to smack him every time he talks about how easy it is to lose weight, for instance. Doesn't he realize that minimizes my accomplishment?) But he's not trying to offend me, and I don't think your husband is trying to offend you either.
We'll cheer you on though!! I think making it to 145 is amazing, and quite frankly, I think you look so much like a different person already that you might be quite happy to stay at 145 anyway. (I stopped at 140ish myself.)
Oooh... yeah. Well, my "benefit of the doubt" thought would be - maybe he knows you want to lose more than that - and he was being supportive. But if this is a reaccuring problem(not being supportive) then maybe - at a different time - you should bring this up to him and talk it out.
Congrats on only being 20 pounds away!!! That's the great thing about blogs - you can put it all here and talk about every detail in the weightloss journey! Very therapeutic!
my goal weight is 145 but i know i will probably try and go to a little bit less. but i want to see how 145 feels. shoot it better feel better than 166 lol
as far as the comment depending on where i was i would probably be sensitive to it too. considering weight is already an issue *hugs*
Hi, I was blog hopping and ran across yours. First of all you have an amazing weight loss track record so far and you should feel like the beautiful, strong, and confident woman you are becoming. Take pride in your accomplishments and celebrate yourself! As to your question: you are not being over sensitive. Weight has been an issue for you for a long time. Any comments like that should hurt after you have come so far. If he knows weight is a struggle for you he should keep any comments to a minimum and have a standard "good for you hon." at the ready. Tell him that! Talk to him and teach him how to be supportive of you. Tell him that you specifically want him to say "good for you honey!" and that is it. I have to remind my husband to compliment me and that is ok! Open up the communication lines and tell him how you feel NOT how he makes you feel but how YOU feel when he says things like that. Example: I feel like I will never be good enough for you when you say little things like that. It may sound like encouragment to some people but it sounds like judgment to me. When you come to him using "I" statments it brings down defensive attitudes and allows for honesty. I may not know you personally but you are amazing! Keep up the good work!
wait... maybe I do know you. I can't see your picture very well. Is this Amy Leavitt??
I wonder why you put on weight in the first place? Was it because you had someone in your life who was hard to please?
As for the hubby, definitely tell him you're struggling when he says things that aren't supportive.
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