In case anyone is wondering....I did not go to the 5k I signed up for, I tried to run one that morning with my daughter (in my new jogging stroller) and I didn't make it. I am thinking of doing one that is coming up this Sunday that is a little closer to home, but the bottom line is, I don't feel ready to run in front of other people. I breathe horribly, I don't have the best "form" and I don't have the right clothes. All lame reasons I know. I shouldn't care so much what people think, but I am worried all the real runners will think I stupid for trying to run like they do. I have issues, I am aware, and I am not sure how to get past them.
In other running news, I just finished a two mile run and instead of feeling great that I did something, I feel like a failure for not running the 2.5 miles I set out to run. I got a Horrible cramp in my side and I just couldn't keep going. Now instead of feeling good that I at least ran 2 miles, I feel like a failure. It bugs me. 3 months ago and I would have been Super excited that I could even run 22 minutes straight. I need to remind myself how far I've come. Its hard. Changing patterns of putting myself down is hard.
3 comments:
I'm so right there with you amy! I have to tell myself every now and then that "it's just me, no one else out here" Okay, so it's a lie when I'm at the park but it helps me to put my blinders on and not care so much.
You'll have ups and downs with your running - (I'm at a down myself)just keep with it. Don't give up and maybe you'll realize that hey.. I couldn't run as far today because I was running faster! Or something else just as fun.
Hang in there!
I'm sure this is gonna sound lame...but I now love running. Took me YEARS. At first it was very forced. I hated it....loathed it. Then eventually I learned how to run correctly (including speed, breathing, shoes, etc.) and now it's great and I love it. You'll get there. Be proud of yourself. I remember when running a mile was a task. You're already past that!
I know exactly how you feel about trying to change the way you talk to yourself. I am right there with you. It's sounds so easy to just "focus on what you've accomplished" but it's so hard to actually do!
Great job running the 2 miles. I hope that you go do the next 5K. Good luck!
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