Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Can I be honest for a minute?
I do not have a supportive husband. No, I do not mean that I have a husband that "loves me no matter what I look like" so he eats crap in front of me and encourages me to join in. I would LOVE one of those, but alas, I got the husband that eats junk in front of me and if I so much as suggest that I should eat that too he immediately corrects me that its not part of my diet and I don't want to ruin my progress, right? This would be fine, if I were a child and needed to be reminded of consequences to my actions. Nope, not a child - no stern food reminders needed. When I am not dieting there is this constant pressure from him to go on a diet, there is a significant lack of, um, affection, and there is a sense of embarrassment from him that he is with me. This would be mildly acceptable to me if I had gained a ton of weight after we got married but, in fact, this was me then, now, and will always be there in some way. He has said some cruel things to me about my weight and seems to think that I should be grateful he wants to be with me. I'm Not. Its hard being with someone when you feel it is conditional. I will love if you keep the house clean, I will love you if you wear makeup everyday, I will love you when you lose weight and keep it off. Some people might wonder why I married him and the truth is, he basically hid this from me until the night we got married, I mean it was like a switch was flipped when he said I DO. I read other people's weight loss blog and 99% of them are with someone who loves them for who they are and I realize now not all men would try to make me feel bad for not being better. I am not sure why I am sharing this, except that I need to get it off my chest. The more weight I lose, the better out marriage gets but I feel I have to remind myself of the reason things are better. Is it ok that we are happy as long as I have lost weight? Is that a good marriage?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Ok - I'm going to get the Ben & Jerry's *right now*
Bless your heart, I KNOW this is hard.
And bless your heart for hanging in there. I've been subjected to similar behavior in the past, and to be completely honest it only made me worse. I'd sneak food instead. I'd eat McDonalds in my car and throw the bags in the dumpster before I got home. I'd sneak into the kitchen at night and raid the fridge. Heck I'd HIDE food in the fridge so no one would notice I'd eaten it.
I can't tell you that this is a good marriage or not. From my perspective I'd say he's a a misogynistic control freak who needs therapy. I'm probably biased though.
I'm a big proponent of unconditional love. I was once told that was a "pipe dream". I refuse to believe that it is anything but a very real very possible thing to have. I was in a "conditional" relationship for several years and I won't lie - it was pure hell.
I hope that the two of you can be happy, regardless of your weight.
*hugs*
His lack of support is definitely not going to help you in your efforts. If your weight really is so important to him, he'll support you and aide you instead of hinder it by making you feel bad about it. Support is the only way things are overcome, really. Food can be an addiction for many, me included. You have to treat it like a real addiction. And in those cases, the one in addiction needs constant love and support, regardless of their occasional slips. I love you Amy! You are amazing!
Ugh.
My parents are like this.
Are you seeing a therapist? If not, you should try. I know I can't afford one right now, but when I was seeing my psych, I loved how it gave me the strength to see how some people in my life were sabotaging my successes.
I know that you're married and you probably don't want to leave your husband. However, try being honest with him. Tell him that when he says these things, it has the opposite effect. Hopefully, that helps, but if it doesn't, you need an outside source of help.
Good luck! And thanks for the comment. :)
Missy
(misspuddingfood.wordpress.com)
I'm not married so I doubt you want to get advice from a single chick.
But I do want to write you and tell you how sorry I am for you. That sounds like your heart must really hurt to be given love only if you're 'behaving'.
So, Amy I'm giving you a big hug right now swooshing from my blog to yours.
~Cariann
http://pencilskirtbound.blogspot.com/
Post a Comment