New Milestone

I never weighed myself when I was younger. I never really went to the doctor regularly either. So I'm not sure the last time I was in the 150's but I am guessing it was a looong time ago. When I got my license at 16 I estimated my weight at 180, so I must have gotten that from somewhere (or I very well could have pulled it out of the air). But that is what I have to go on. I am now in a new area, one I haven't been in since probably junior high. I NEVER remember seeing 15 in front on my scale. But this week, I got there. I weighed in at 157.8 this morning. This is what my fit day weigh in page looked like:

I am 12.2lbs above the healthy range. 12.2 lbs. It boggles my mind. I have never succeeded at anything in my life the way I am succeeding at this lifestyle change. It makes me proud of myself. When people tell me I look good, I tell them thanks and that its nice to hear. Because it is. Sometimes I still look in the mirror and think I could stand to lose another 50lbs but the more I hear from people that I look good, the better I feel. I guess I still need outside validation that I look ok. That I probably look normal to people who have never met me before. I am no longer starred at (or laughed at by kids) as I ride my bike around the neighborhood. I am only 12.2lbs overweight. I am at my lowest weight in my memory and it feels awesome.

The price of weightloss (literally)

Warning: This post was too long for me to bother reading over and correcting mistakes, read at your own risk.

I have a crappy jogging stroller. I had no idea that there was such a thing as a "jogging" stroller that is not meant for jogging, only walking. So when I bought my jogging stroller I didn't go very high end because I figured they would all serve the same purpose, right? Wrong. I have had this stroller for about 5 months and I hate, HATE, running with it. It always veers off to one side, I feel like I am pushing all 21lbs of my daughter plus another 20lbs of stroller and I hate it, so I avoid running outside. The problem with this is that I LOVE running outside so much more than on the treadmill and my daughter loves it too (she is a true outdoor girl). So the other day I went for my run outside and HATED it. The jogging stroller was truly working against me, it was a struggle the entire time. At one point as I was running down the side of a pretty busy street (Rittenhouse/Gary for those of you who know the area) and there was a long line of cars waiting at the light and EVERY single person stared at me as I passed - not glanced at - but stared. I was actually pretty shocked, I mean - do I look that out of shape still that people feel the need to stare as I run past? Anyway so I get to the point where I am walking for my cool down and that is was I hear the plop,plop,plop...the front tire is 100% completely flat. No wonder people were staring I must have looked ridiculous. I had aired up the tire right before I left and looking back at how soon it was a challenge to push the stroller I am going to guess it went flat in about 5 minutes. So I got mad. I decided that I needed to research jogging strollers and get a new one (I know tires will go flat on any stroller, but this one has been a pain since the beginning). I went to the Internet and discovered a couple interesting facts:

1. If your serous about running with your jogging stroller, Never get a swivel wheel. It will not be easy to control while running.
2. The bigger the front wheel, the easier it is to push. 16" will do fine, but serious runners will want 20" because they will be the easiest to push.

My stroller is the exact opposite of these two items. I got the swivel wheel (good for leisure walks or the mall) and my front wheel is probably more like 10"-12".

So I immediately called my husband to let him know that since I was a serious runner (I guess?) and now I needed a serious jogging stroller, thinking it was no big deal. Um no, he was not OK with me buying a new one after only having this one for 5 months. His exact words were "just get a new tire tube and it will be fine. You can't spend $250 (yes, $250) on a new stroller that you don't need". This is where he and I differ, I think I DO need it. It is important part of running in my mind. Making it as enjoyable as possible so you get addicted and want to do it. I originally went cheapo with my jogging stroller because I hate investing a lot of money in something that I never use. I wanted to make sure I would use it before I spent serious money on it. Which brings me to the point of this blog post (finally):

 Weight loss is expensive...let me count the ways:

• Stationary Bike: $600
• Treadmill: $950 (including 3 year service plan)
• Bicycle: $200
• Bicycle seat for Olivia: $50
• Exercise Ball: $35
• Biggest Loser workout video: $10
• Wii + wii fit: $350 (yup, I originally bought the wii just for the wii fit to exercise)
• Serious runner exercise bras: $90 (for 2 - these were very expensive but so worth it)
• Compression shorts: $120 (for 3 pairs, but totally worth it for running)
• Asics running shoes: $120
• Beginning Nike running shoes: $65
• Television for exercise room: $450 (My husband and I went halvsies on this)
• Oh yeah, Jogging stroller: $150

Total: $3190. Holy Moly. And most of these purchases were in the last year (except for the stationary bike and wii fit those were after I got pregnant two years ago). This doesn't count the race entry fees, a bazillion tank tops, shorts, shocks, regular cheap sports bras that I have purchased in the last year. No wonder my husband thinks I should stick with my current jogging stroller. Part of me agrees with him but the other part of me, the secret part, that thinks this is all a fluke and I am going to wake up a year from now back at 250lbs unless I find a way to enjoy activity and not force myself to endure what some days is considered torture with my current jogging stroller. And in case your wondering, its not an option to leave Olivia at home while I run - my husband travels for work every week Mon-Fri. So I am up for opinions - what would you do? Spend the money or use the current jogging stroller and consider it more of a workout because its an effort to push the stroller? Just  suck it up and only run on the treadmill?

Running Maddness

I am basically finished with the Ragnar training program that I started a while ago even though the race is not until February. I started early because I wanted to make sure I could actually handle something like the Ragnar way before the week of the actual race, plus it gave me structure to my workouts and something to stick to - that I like. But I found myself this past week worried about what I should do next. After the 10k and how well it went I thought it was time to go on to the next challenge: A Half Marathon. The PF Changs Marathon/Half Marathon is in January, so a month before the Ragnar Relay. I have been hemming and hawing over tackling this for the past couple of months, I have even gone as far as to tell people I will probably do it. Here's the problem with probably its not gonna kick my butt out of bed at 3:30 in the morning to run. Paying $124 to run a half marathon? I think so. So that's what I did. I stopped being wishy-washing about this and paid the money, it was hard because it was a lot of money, but that's the point right? No turning back now (its non-refundable). I am actually excited about this. Something to get myself through the holidays. I even selected MEDIUM for my shirt size, I can't remember the last time I wore a size medium of anything (literally cannot remember). So I'm gonna keep on trucking with my running (and working because these race entries fees are expensive) and one day wake up a Runner!

10k Awesomeness

Friday before my 10k race I was a jumble of nerves all day and I was pretty sure I wouldn't sleep. I laid in bed for quite a while and finally fell asleep only to have 3 separate dreams (or nightmares) about horrible race experiences (coming in last, sleeping in and missing it, tripping and falling in front of "serious" runners). So I was pretty much a mess of nerves all morning and it only got worse as they made us wait an extra 25 minutes before starting while we waited for a superhero to show up (soooo lame and not worth the extra stress). I was pretty sure everyone was looking at me wondering what I was doing in the running group and not the walking side with the walkers. I was pretty self conscious, like I had a big sign or something that said "first timer and too big to actually run, I'm just fooling myself'". Then we started and it was awesome. We started out with a good steady pace and just trudged along. Soon enough we were passing people and I was assured that I was not going to come in last and I felt great. The running was actually easy. I'm not sure if it was the energy of the other racers or I a in such good shape now that running six miles is not that hard, but I felt great the whole time. It was AMAZING. I kept thinking as I ran how far I have come since last October. I used to walk for exercise and I would get tired walking 2 miles, I am excited that I started this journey in January and that I haven't given up even though I haven't been near perfect the whole time. Below are a few race pictures and my official results were:

Race time: 1hr 10min 4sec
11:17 minute mile
I came in 172 out of 278

Pre-Race Picture (yes, standing on my bathtub again)

Standing at the start line patiently waiting to begin

And we're off!!

3 Miles in and still going strong

Crossing the finish line....

Crossing the finish line still....

 Thats it - it was an awesome experience and I think I'm addicted!

In Denial

Its October 14th and I am +.8 lbs for the month of October. I keep thinking its the beginning of October, that we've only just begun the month, when really there is only a little more than half the month left and I haven't lost any weight yet. It freaks me out. I have known this all along in the back of my head but was pretty much ignoring the information. Watching the scale go up and down, up and down for the last two weeks has played a little bit of havoc on my weight loss sanity. I am trying to plug along as if its no big deal but at the same time I can tell I am not as committed as I was 2 or 3 months ago. We went to a football game on Sunday (An Awesome game) and I had a hot dog and half a pretzel and I am still beating myself up for it. This is just one example of going off track in the last couple of weeks and it freaks me out (did I mention, it freaks me out??). I need to go into the holiday season strong and instead I am floundering. I am keeping up with my exercise schedule and weirdly feel better than I have in months but I am not losing weight. I have no point to this post other than to vent. I need to kick my butt back into high gear but so far can only find a middle gear.

200 Miles

I just looked at my Daily Mile gadget and realized that I have run over 200 miles since June!! That's insane. 10 months ago I could barely walk around my neighborhood without feeling tired and now I can run 3 miles in the morning before I even start my day. Yesterday morning I ran a route by my Moms house that I hadn't tried to run since last May. It was amazing to see the complete difference in my abilities. As I was running I was remembering the parts where I had to stop and walk and how for most of the time I felt like I wasn't going to be able to finish. This time I ran further and didn't need to stop and walk at all. It is a nice feeling, knowing my body is capable of getting me places. That I am strong enough to really MOVE. When I look back at this past year and think of all the times I made the difficult choice to get up before the sun was up to exercise or the times that I chose not to have pizza or birthday cake and each time that decision was not easy and sometimes down right sucked but it got me where I am today - 100% happier than a measly 10 months ago. It is still not easy to make these choices and its a daily struggle, this post will hopefully help me remember why I do this. Life feels better this way, I need to remember this feeling always.

P.S. 5 days till my 10k and I am freaking out less, its a good sign :)

10k Race Jitters

Reading the title you might have figured I was running a 10k this weekend, right? Because who gets jitters for a race more than a couple nights before? Who gets jitters a whole week and a day before? That person may need to chill.

I am running in my first race ever, Next Saturday, and I thought I would handle it in stride and not be too nervous and I'm already freakin' nervous. I signed up for the Not Your Average Joe 10k (Click on the picture if you want to register :) ) and as I was running this morning on the treadmill I started to get nervous.  You see about a month ago I switched from outdoor running to treadmill running because it got too dark in the morning. And when I say too dark I mean it. My neighborhood is street light free, who knew such places existed? I had no idea and freaked out the first time I drove to my house and realized how dark it was. I never looked for street lights during the day and assumed they would be there, like every other house I have lived in. It is too dark for me to feel safe running, mostly because I have to take Olivia and it just doesn't feel safe until they invent a jogging outfit that lights up as bright as spotlights.

Wow, I got off track. Where was I? So I have been running on the treadmill and it worries me that I won't be able to run a 10k outside. I have no idea where this fear comes from. I ran outside a lot this summer, I know I can do it. I think part of me is just freaked out to be running in a race in general. I am worried about... what to wear - shorts or pants? ponytail or bun? Ipod or No ipod? Run with the person I know who is running the race too or leave her behind because she is slower than me?

I am sure in the end this will be a great experience and I am going to run outside tomorrow morning so I can get a feel for whether or not I am freaking out for nothing. But still, how do people get past the jitters? Will this happen for every race I sign up for or is it just first timer jitters? Will I drive myself crazy before next Saturday? Stay tuned.

Clothing Dilemma

Last week I had a day of super motivation. This means I was itching to get things done in my house. I cleaned the fridge (pulled everything out and scrubbed the inside down) and tackled my closet, which was a huge undertaking. Before I got married and had to Share things, like my closet, I was pretty organized. Everything had a place and was usually put back in that place. I am not sure why having someone else in my space sort of ruined that, but it did. And it BUGGED me. Our closet was a disaster. I hated having to go in there to find clothes and even worse, it made laundry an unbearable task. I could never find enough hangers, or space for my clothes. As much as it drove me nuts I wasn't really sure how to deal with it. I had a TON of clothes in there and just not enough space.

This is why it took me a year after we moved in to organize the closet - I had to be willing to part with some of my clothes. Getting rid of bigger clothes is really hard and its even harder to admit that its because I think a big part of me thinks I am going to fail and need the big sizes again. Even now, 9 months into my journey, longer than I have ever made it, I am still afraid. But it was time to let go of that fear, to not have the crutch of bigger clothes. So if I do fall of the wagon and gain 10 lbs I won't have a bigger size on hand to wear and hopefully I will get back on track fast because I HATE buying bigger sizes. All these years and through all the diets I have always kept the bigger sizes, just in case, and I ended up using them. Not this time. I went through the closet with a vengeance and got rid of a least a third of my clothing that no longer fits. This is about a quarter of the clothes I got rid of:

Although to be perfectly honest, I did box up two boxes of bigger clothes that I might be able to wear next time I am pregnant (some maternity, some just big sizes). Therein lies the dilemma. Having these clothes saved for being pregnant one more time makes sense financially, but am I using them still as a crutch? Knowing they are in there? I'm not sure and if I ever consider breaking out that box while not pregnant I hope I have the courage to get rid of those boxes and lose the weight I have gained to fit in my regular clothes.