I just need to remember...

....that I feel like quitting the first 3 miles of EVERY run. Its true, I have to talk myself out of stopping for the first 3 miles. I probably sound like a big quitter but I really only talk myself out of finishing probably 1 out of every 50 runs. Lately I have been worried as I am running as to why its not easier. Why has it gotten harder? It might not be any harder physically but the mental part of it has gotten to be a challenge these days. Every time I run I feel like I can't finish because I am not strong enough, until I reach the magic three mile mark. I am not sure if that's the point that I am warmed up and my body is in the groove or if once my mind knows I can make it that far that I can make it a lot farther. I'm not sure which one it is, I just know that I need to remember that is gets better after 3 miles.

500 Miles!

I just finished updating my runs for the past week in daily mile and realized when I was done that I have run over 500 miles (501 to be exact) and I was super excited because that's a ton of running I have done since June 2010 but more importantly its almost time to get new running shoes :) So, even though it feels like I am failing in all other areas of my life right now, at least I have succeeded with running.

Last week I was on vacation (Disneyland, again) and I think I have a little bit of the post vacation blues. It always a little sad for me to go back to work and it only makes it worse to weigh myself and see that I have gained 8lbs since before I left. Yup, 8lbs! I was actually quite shocked. I didn't eat very healthy but I also didn't go all crazy with the food. Every other day while we were there I got up and ran in the morning in addition to the, at least, 10 miles of walking I did at the parks. So, I pretty much figured it would even out and when I saw how wrong I was about that it really depressed me. I know alot of it is water weight (I was down 4lbs this morning) but it is still really hard to feel good about myself. I have basically been unable to get back down to my pre-holiday weight and it stinks. I think the worst thing about it, is not that I feel that I look horrible or anything, but I feel like such a massive failure. This makes me want to eat. This makes being back on track harder. It makes me want to give up and through in the towel. I know that a big part of this is just all the icky food in my system, it doesn't help my mood. So yeah, if you're looking for inspiration....you are gonna have to keep looking.


Check in for today...

Calories Yesterday: 1688
Calories so far today: 647

Exercise Yesterday: 4 mile run @ 10:30 minute mile

Current Weight: 165
Lbs to goal: 40lbs

Thank you C25k!

Roughly 8 months ago I was struggling to find my groove losing weight and wanted to find a way to kick my butt into high gear. Enter the Couch to 5k training plan. I had never considered running in my entire life. I was always part of the group of "walkers" when we were supposed to run 1 mile in PE in school - you walk 90% of time and then sprint to finish with the PE teacher yells that you only have a couple minutes to finish under the 12min deadline. I loathed running but started to wonder if maybe I exercised like I never had before I would lose weight like I never had before. The C25k looked totally doable, mostly because I forced myself not to focus on week 3,4,or 5 and just get through the 1st week of running 1min intervals. I still distinctly remember running on the treadmill the first time. I remember when I was 10 seconds into my first minute of running, I thought I was going to die - I watched the seconds tick by for the first full minute in complete agony. I felt like it was torture, but when I was done I felt proud of myself. Each and everytime I completed a day of c25k training I felt like I might literally die it was so hard (I put my cell phone in my sports bra in case I passed out and wouldn't be able to get back up to the phone to call for help). I remember the first time I completed 20minutes of straight running, I had to yell out loud "you can do this!" for the last 5 minutes in order to finish. I was so proud of myself when I was done - I ran upstairs to tell my husband I had made it and how amazed I was that I ran for 20 minutes straight!

I am not writing this to brag about how awesome I am, I want to remind myself how far I've come and if anyone stumbles across my blog and is contemplating starting a running program, maybe they will be encouraged at how it was not effortless for me At ALL and if they are struggling, just know that you will get through it and one day you might be running a 10k and having the time of your life while running like I just did.

I write this to remind myself at how strong I have become and have this post for me to look back on whenever I fell down on myself for any reason at all. What I accomplished this year is amazing - if I could go back in time and talk to the Amy of 10 years ago, she would NEVER believe me if I told her that I ran 5 miles the other day and had FUN because of a new jogging stroller. I have come along way and I can only hope that I keep going in the right direction.

B.O.B.

I have a new love in my life. Its the beginning of the relationship, the honeymoon phase, wanting to spend all our time together. My life was not complete until it came into my life...

There have been others that I have come into my life that I have loved just as much: Ipod, IPhone, my mini vacuum for tile floors, my nook, but none of these others things also benefit my health like the B.O.B. Ironman stroller. The first run with my new stroller was on Sunday morning and it was AWESOME. My running schedule only called for me running 2.5 miles. So I ran to Starbucks thinking I would just walk home but as I was running I realized that I was enjoying myself. Pushing my daughter in her stroller was a breeze, actually pushing might even be too strong of a word. The stroller literally felt like it was no effort to run with. I decided to run back home and, while I was running, I added an extra mile at the end because I was enjoying myself so much. This is a new experience for me, to love something that I used to loathe (running). I never thought I would get to this place. And its not all the jogging stroller but the fact that the weather was perfect, I had already completed the required mileage, and I had my daughter with me enjoying the ride - all these things together made the run fun. I have used it almost everyday since Sunday and my love has not faded, we may make it past the honeymoon period after all ;)

200 Miles

I just looked at my Daily Mile gadget and realized that I have run over 200 miles since June!! That's insane. 10 months ago I could barely walk around my neighborhood without feeling tired and now I can run 3 miles in the morning before I even start my day. Yesterday morning I ran a route by my Moms house that I hadn't tried to run since last May. It was amazing to see the complete difference in my abilities. As I was running I was remembering the parts where I had to stop and walk and how for most of the time I felt like I wasn't going to be able to finish. This time I ran further and didn't need to stop and walk at all. It is a nice feeling, knowing my body is capable of getting me places. That I am strong enough to really MOVE. When I look back at this past year and think of all the times I made the difficult choice to get up before the sun was up to exercise or the times that I chose not to have pizza or birthday cake and each time that decision was not easy and sometimes down right sucked but it got me where I am today - 100% happier than a measly 10 months ago. It is still not easy to make these choices and its a daily struggle, this post will hopefully help me remember why I do this. Life feels better this way, I need to remember this feeling always.

P.S. 5 days till my 10k and I am freaking out less, its a good sign :)

Running Mojo

Starting last night as I was riding my stationary bike I was already dreading getting up today because I knew I had to run for 50min - yep, I still don't really enjoy running. Except this morning. I got on the treadmill and started running and its not that I loved it, but it wasn't that hard to run. I finished my 50min no problem and probably would have kept going if not for the fact that I needed to get to work. It was awesome, running is so much more enjoyable when I am not constantly looking at the time and calculating how much longer I have. I can only hope this lasts through Saturday because I have to run for 80 minutes!! That seems impossible to me. Children's movies aren't even that long because that would be too long to hold their attention. Scary. But maybe today's mojo will last - who knows maybe I will even like running from now on....One can dream right?

Chub Club

I started a post on Wednesday about how much I enjoyed my run that morning. I had run for 2.5 miles and felt awesome during and after I was complete. I felt empowered, my body was strong, and I was in a good mood all day. Flash forward to today. I went for a 2 mile run this morning and HATED it. I was tired, out of breath, slow, and just overall not feeling the vibe. I think this is why so many people don't run (this is just a guess) because even when you think you've got it down, at least on small runs, you go back to feeling like it is Day 1 all over again. At least this time I have the memory of how great it was on Wednesday and will just keep going with the hope that my next run will feel like that (it better, it will be 55minutes long...).

In other weight loss news...I have been doing a Virtual Biggest Loser contest this summer that is coming to an end soon. I have to say that I thought this would motivate me but I found myself not caring if I didn't win the big prize - after all I only put in $10 - and I have found myself slowly snacking more and more. If the summer has been hard I can only imagine how hard the fall & Holidays are going to be. I love baking an it is almost impossible for me to go through the fall and the holidays without baking things. So I need more motivation. So I joined something called the Chub Club. Its like the virtual biggest loser only in person (we have to weigh in In Front of each other)and with a lot more money to lose. The rules are as follows:

• Beginning on Sunday, August 8th and ends on Sunday, November 7th. This will give me 16 weeks exactly and give me the extra push before the holidays (during which I basically want to just maintain my weight or lose a few lbs)


• The initial buy in will be $50.00 (that's a lot of money to me - I have to go into this trying to win)

• After that, it will be $10 every time you weigh in and have gained weight and $5 for every time you weigh in and stay the same. (money motivates)

Pretty strict weigh-in rules and I seriously debated whether to go into this because if I keep doing what I have been the last two months then at the very least I would have had to pay out $5 frequently but I guess that's where the motivation comes in. The hope is that when I am thinking about not measuring out my food and just eating til I feel like it is a serving, I will remember that now if I gain weight or even not lose weight, I've got to fork over the big bucks! I am excited for this but a little scared. I think it will motivate me but there is a small chance I could end up paying out a lot of money. I will keep you updated. Have a happy Friday!

Journaling

I passed the 50 mile mark for running, which I am pretty excited about since I only started tracking the miles I run at the end of June. This morning I finished the first day of week 10 training for the Ragnar, which means I ran for 30 minutes and since I am still plugging along at a 12min mile pace I finished 2.5 miles. For a moment, when I was done, I was disappointed with myself. How come I can't run faster? How come at like minute #2 I want to quit everytime? How come I still feel like I can't do it??

When I first started this journey I knew I had to exercise at some point in order to really be healthier, so about a month into changing my diet I decided to take up bike riding. I went to Target (yes, Target) and bought the cutest bike they had for the money I wanted to spend (not a lot because I wanted to make sure biking was something I would love before spending the big bucks). The first time I rode the bike I went about a mile, just sort of riding around to get a feel for the bike. The next night I went out for a Real Ride on my bike. I took ride on a loop through my neighborhood, which was 2.5 miles long. I came back feeling good, no Great, about myself. I had gone for a bike ride and worked out. I felt accomplished and like I was on the right path. Fast forward 5 months - I went on that same 2.5 mile loop this morning, only instead of riding a bike, I used my legs and ran. I am not sharing this to point out how awesome I am but because I came home feeling like I am not doing enough. I felt like I should be able to run faster, cover more ground in my 30min run. I felt disappointed in myself and it bugged me. In 5 months I have gone from riding my bike the same distance to being able to run it. That's huge. I need to stop putting myself down. I think that is part of why I turned to food so much, thinking I wasn't worth the effort to eat healthy. I need to break the habit and that part of the purpose of this blog for me. A journal that I can look back on and remember why I started this journey and how far I have come, so I can be proud of myself and not feel stupid for being proud.

Clear sign of insanity

My sisters are both planning in participating in a Ragnar relay next winter and have now gotten me to commit to participating with them, because clearly, I have gone insane. For those of you who don't know (like me a week ago) what a Ragnar relay is you can check it out here. It is basically running 202 miles through the mountains to the desert with a team of 12. So, its a relay, that takes like a couple of days to run. Somehow I am supposed to be able to run around 18 miles, in shifts, with no sleep, in about 9 months??? Something is wrong with me. The high from running a measly 3 miles went to my head and I thought for a moment I can do anything. The thing is, its a team event, so I can't quit, I can't go snail slow, and I can't give up and die. Pressure, intense pressure. We shall see if this actually happens because we still need one more person to commit, but I am already scared out of my mind.

5k

I ran a 5k!! Note: I didn't run a 5k race just the 5k distance but I was soo happy!!

The picture is at the end of my run, so it includes a 5 minute cool down - I cannot imagine being able to run for 42min straight (although if I am progressing I will have to soon!) The number in the middle is the distance and the number next to it is the calories...the 0.0 is the speed.

I set goals on Tuesday on what I would do to get back on track and I followed each and every one. Its nice so know that if I set my mind to it I can get back on track.  I have been eating better and therefore feeling better.

I have given myself a new challenge for tomorrow:

• 
  
  Run outside for at least 35 minutes, take away the crutch of the treadmill.

Running on treadmill is easier than outside for me, something about the moving belt propels me forward and makes it easier for me to keep going. I am not giving myself a distance to run outside, I just want to be able to run for the same amount of time I do on the treadmill.

Hopefully I can keep up the momentum, I feel good.

Struggling

I feel like I am approaching the Burn Out point. I am tired of dieting (or lifestyle changing, whatever), I am tired of always thinking about what I can eat, how much exercise I need to do, etc. I like losing weight but it is a lot more effort than gaining weight (duh).

How do I get my motivation back? How do I get excited again? I live in phoenix and so summer is like everyone Else's winter, going outside for exercise or even for just fresh air is not really an option. Its too Hot and miserable. How do people stay motivated when stuck inside all day???

I don't really have much to say in this post, I just really wanted to complain. I think it helped, I already feel a tiny bit better :-)


**UPDATE**
After writing this post and debating in my head for a while, I finally got up and did a 2.5 mile run!! I feel so great having finished it this time :)