In Denial

Its October 14th and I am +.8 lbs for the month of October. I keep thinking its the beginning of October, that we've only just begun the month, when really there is only a little more than half the month left and I haven't lost any weight yet. It freaks me out. I have known this all along in the back of my head but was pretty much ignoring the information. Watching the scale go up and down, up and down for the last two weeks has played a little bit of havoc on my weight loss sanity. I am trying to plug along as if its no big deal but at the same time I can tell I am not as committed as I was 2 or 3 months ago. We went to a football game on Sunday (An Awesome game) and I had a hot dog and half a pretzel and I am still beating myself up for it. This is just one example of going off track in the last couple of weeks and it freaks me out (did I mention, it freaks me out??). I need to go into the holiday season strong and instead I am floundering. I am keeping up with my exercise schedule and weirdly feel better than I have in months but I am not losing weight. I have no point to this post other than to vent. I need to kick my butt back into high gear but so far can only find a middle gear.

Over Sensitive?

Last night I was talking to my husband on the phone (since he is always out of town) and I was giving myself a pat on the back from losing weight (because I can't count on him to do it...) and I said:

Me: I am only 20lbs away from my goal weight. I am excited because for a while I didn't think I would make it by the end of the year.

Him: Only 20lbs? That is good. Maybe you'll keep losing after that.

I am probably being over-sensitive, but that comment kinda stung. My mind translated this to: you look like you could stand to lose more than 20lsb. (And for the record, I do plan on losing weight after 145 but I am not setting any goals or timeline on it.)

I am pretty sure I am never going to be good enough for him at this point and there is always going to be some way for him to make me feel like I haven't done enough. It bugs me. He has never really struggled with weight or food issues, what gives him the right to judge me? My mind could go on and on with this if I start to over-analyze the statement.  I am not going to bring it up with him because talking about my weight is not a comfortable topic with him, possibly because it becomes clear that he wishes I was a size 4 kinda girl (which isn't really fair since I was a size 24 when we got married - I wasn't hiding the obese girl in the closet or anything). So help me out - how would interrupt this comment? Would you be offended? Brush it off?